Saturday, 19 May 2012

Things to do before you're fifty

I just made a list of things to do before I'm fifty.

When I was thirty-five I made a list of things to do before I was forty: visit some of the exotic foreign countries I hadn't yet visited, visit the Lake District (why oh why have I never been there, I bet it's fantastic, isn't it?), participate in various tame adventures ('go up in hot air balloon'), and so on. I don't think I did any of them. I need to find the list and check. I know that one of the things was something uncomfortable-sounding and rude that I have never quite fancied. Maybe I'll transfer it to my list of things to do before I'm sixty-five.

The list of things to do before I'm fifty contains the titles of five books I want to write and nothing else. What else is there? I have an electric blanket and a Kindle, so there's no need to go away anywhere. I can just get into bed and turn the blanket up to the maximum setting and pretend I'm in Thailand.

I only recently bought my electric blanket and it's the best thing ever. Please trust me on this. If you don't have one, please get one. I urge you to do it. I realise that if you have known me a long time you've probably heard me say much the same about dogs, drugs, gardening, nude swimming, avocados, asparagus, artichokes, celery, sex, learning a foreign language, vodka, dancing, Brazilian men, sushi, Peter Carey, electronic cigarettes, Kindles, knitting and The Interrogative Mood by Padgett Powell.

If you have known me a long time then you're probably around the same age as me. Just get the electric blanket. We're too old to bother with most of the rest of it now, except the vegetables and Padgett Powell. DON'T GET A DOG.

Have you got a to-do list? What's on yours? I don't mean the everyday kind that says hoovering and shopping and other chores. I mean the other kind. Do tell me.